Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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