I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize