Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
try to milk me bitch
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