The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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