My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
A bitchslap is in order.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
