He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
