dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
