you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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