I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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