1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize