News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
