You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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