Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
