So drunk its hurt
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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