I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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