I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
