I wish life had little blips of pornography
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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