Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
