I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
