You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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