so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
