You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize