I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
