Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
