If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
