Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
