I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
