Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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