were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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