I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
