i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
