wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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