I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize