have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
