I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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