Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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