i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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