There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
