Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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