The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
