My room smells like vodka and shame
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's the barista slut.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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