I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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