I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
