No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
