dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
