I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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