she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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