Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
