Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
