My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
