I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
