Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
