Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
