Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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