i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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