I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Operation Purity has been aborted
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
