just come out here and I will go home with you...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
