whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
