i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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