This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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