last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
