Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I lost the right to judge tonight
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
