Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
