I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
