so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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