I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
