Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
